Today was a significant day for sure. There really isn't any easy way to explain this, but, I saw the light today. It really feels like , it , sees you.
Let me clarify:
Dannion Brinkley author of "At Peace In The Light" speaks of his experience as a Hospice Caretaker, and "the light" that comes for you when you are ready to die.
Okay this might be odd for some of you, so if this bothers you please don't read on, it's not going to get much better. Thanks.
But if you think you might understand this idea, or that you might actually be interested in what Dannion knows that I don't, I recommend you read his book, :) my experience while similar is unique. I know I don't want to sound, delusional so I will just point out my awareness of what seems rather unscientific, and purely subjective to personal beliefs.
While I respect that there are without a doubt, many ways to live and know God, there are the same number of ways to die. In that moment, we can surmise that many of us, would be thinking about our creator, and that they also may come back for us, to collect us, at the time of passing. In other words, that what we believe does, in fact happen to us, is also unseen, and usually unproven. I believe Dannion, I think that when you are ready, and Gods ready, its time.
I watch an 87 year old man, it's my job to help him get to his Dr Apt, and I can be very effective for forms and driving, and feeding, but the rest is always just observation, it is all I can say about it, without divulging what is rightly private. But today was different, and I noticed a change. I usually can tell when people don't feel well, need attention, or are acutely effected by their surroundings. Defending or holding up the person is necessary, and in a moment things can change, it becomes the difference between a good day and an accidental fall or sickness. I will do what ever it is that is needed to be calm and collected in the moment, and usually I feel completely in control. Except for the moments when the aging process is starting to take over, and the patient is close to the end. Those little moments you notice, by the shocked re-actions and the unsteady gait, of the longer lasting ,overwhelming realization, that total confusion has set in.
Waiting for death, is the reality for those who are shut in homes, and hospitals, after a certain age, most of the elderly take it day by day. Its Truly amazing to see, those that really do well, late in life, the stories they tell, the gratefulness of simple basic needs, and the love of those who care for them. It is no surprise to me that today, while I was at MD Imaging in Downtown Redding, marveling at the fabulous facility, I was blinded by an evening light, while sitting inside the building, and if that sounds impossible, that is why I took such notice of it. I sat on a long padded couch with no back, waiting and listening for the Dr to call his name, the west facing door, opened up to reveal a blinding reflection of light with prisms and movement and circular motion, fall up on my face, and even though it was blinding, no one but me noticed it. It shined so beautiful, that when the shaded glass doors shut it still found its way into the room. I felt it say to me, he is ready. I felt very near it, and I felt the need to be in awe and stand back. It was something that I want to remember because I would like to believe that His angels do come for us, and that we will be collected by our maker, when its time.
It doesn't mean I am a saint either, and that is another reason why, I think it was divinely cast, because at the time, I was having moments of doubt, as to whether I should continue my "caretaker " position and if I am just sort of a glorified, educated taxi driver. I said, I need to make more money, and poor me, and then this light said, this is really important work for someone else, please don't get caught in yourself, because this is his moment, and its not going to last forever, like --me.
That is why, for the first time in his life he went to Japanese food, hot tea and saki. It was wonderful. Oh and there was a prayer said today to, when all felt lost and tears were falling.
I asked for my Jesus to come, and I said please comfort him now. I think, we are not alone, not ever, the light is our friend, and it knows when to shine on us.
Thanks be to God. The Shepherd will help you find your way home, I am sure.
Did I happen to mention that my Grandfather introduced me to this book? He was on Art Bell, you can look it up, it's really interesting and worth a try especially if youre a caretaker.
lots of love- and I love books
LIZ
Todd Rutherford (
