Liz
Thursday, March 24, 2011
I'm lost without you
Another rainy cold windy day.
The sky isnt a color I can describe,
It's like someone changed the world the shades of grey and all the light and color has been drained away.
The sky isnt a color I can describe,
It's like someone changed the world the shades of grey and all the light and color has been drained away.
As I look at the large strong trees in my yard they stand tall and strong and protect my house, and yet they seem small and frail against this wicked storm, like old statues left outside, ready to crumble. I pray they last one storm but have no idea if the will be able to.
The streets are wet, the wind has a snowy chill to it, the flowers have faces that say sun where are you? The hours pass each day and I've lost my shadow, without the sunshine I'm less than myself, I'm sad.
If sunshine was a safety blanket I feel that I'm in about to crash without helmet.
I used to think I knew what I was doing, I used to think i had an inner map and a precious guide to walk with me, I used to feel sure footing on the trail. There is a new path for me, but the rocky road has made me tired, the passage isn't cleared and I have no guide, and no light for my feet.
I will walk as far as I can, but the idea of a safe place secluded and charming seems so very far away.
What will I do if I loose my way, how will I ever find my way back, when I can't go back ever.
My eyes have deceived me, they tell me to look like them, act like them, and be like them. If my eyes were shut I could not want, I could not see what I was missing. If my eyes are shut I will get lost for there is no path so faithful that darkness offers.
A leap of faith, blind faith, out of the darkness and cold and into the sunshine and comfort of the Warm day.
But not today, it is grey day today. My life is grey too, my heart and my head are soggy and damp. I'm one glass window, one last bill, one last plan from homeless.
It's not what I would want, I'm not in control of it all though, sometimes acceptance is as powerful as trust or forgiveness.
God you have never let me down, I need you now, I'm
So lost without you.
Take my hand , show me the way back home.
Liz
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