It's Reformation Sunday by the way, and I find it good to remember this day. If Martin Luther had not fought hard against the powers that were the biggest of their time, life as we know it today, would have been very different I have no doubt.
I believe in the people that don't just complain about the way things are, they do something about it, They don't leave it to someone else to do, they get it it done. That is what my family has always been about, You don't have time to complain, you move on, and stay busy. I have even trained myself to know when its time to move on, and know when to give up. I learned this early on, as a female, you will get treatment that is quite uniquely based on the way your outside appears, and this is a fact of life. Beware of special treament, it can lead to a dead end, or a 'wolf'. When I experienced this dream I am about to share, I worried greatly about being too open to the things that can hurt me, I looked for protection and because of that, I have never shared this story publicly. I feel the need to share it now, mainly because the eb and flow of the tide of my life has given way to more freedom to speak, I am no longer holding back. That was what I thought would help, but now I wish I would have listened better to my own instincts instead of rationalizing everything, realizing the warning signs.
I call this true story " I was never so close to a murderer" because that phrase says it all. And it was really similar the only thing that was said to me in the dream. I preface it to the reality of the life that I was leading,
I had recently moved into a new apartment, it was January 1992, and I knew I was about to have a baby girl. There was a problem with my in laws, I swear my Mother-in-Law was having a hormonal imbalance because she doesn't remember the things she said and the way things went down, but we lost our place in the family tree and just a week before I would give birth to her second grandchild, we would be ousted from the family and our house. It was an experience that brought me some relief and some pain, relief that I no longer had to be perfect in her eyes, ( which I predicted would happen, I fell off the pedestal) but pain that I knew my spouse must be feeling. Why would this happen to us? why do we have to move now? We were saving for a house, and it was the dream I thought would save me and our troubled life.
In search of the perfect place to live, I always yearned for the house with all the yard and room to grow, it comes from my heritage of family farmers, up in Roseburg Oregon. Words would fail to explain the beauty of our family land, but you can camp there now, its a wildlife preserve on the Umqua River. Salmon run through its veins, and nothing has changed on the face of land really for centuries its priceless. Apartments make me feel like true gypsies, like the simple bohemianism alternative I was settling for, and we thought we found it in this little four-plex in Novato. Newly refinished it was beautiful and perfect for us so we thought.
Right away the neighbors gave us trouble. Turning on the cable for ourselves, we get a knock at the door, "YOU bought cable?" angry man yells at me- "yes?" - I say. He says hes been bootlegging it for years, and now face a huge fine... that sets the tone off doesn't it. Who was that guy? Oh just the scumbag that lived upstairs that would prove to be a complete idiot- wife beater...
This story isn't about those terrible neighbors, or that fact that James Hetfield was visiting the lady upstairs, oh no, this story is about a dream that I had that changed my life.
I had already had several clairvoyant dreams, the Earthquake, the war, and the third child dream. I finally felt good, and believed to be more grounded, its what I really needed. But this new place- really- gave me the most graphic and vivid dreams, to the point of being truly scary. Not to mention the incident where I would actually predict the Barry Sanders 1000 card-in the pack, that provoked a promise from a spouse that would go unheeded.
This clear and chilly night, I awoke lucid in a dream that I was a guest on a talk show, and there were just three people in a room, the interviewer behind a desk, and then me and another person sitting next to me in a chair,. I could see this from a third person view. I could see myself on this show. The man behind the desk says to me:
"So how does it feel?"
I looked around at this room and everything in it is white plastic, all the furniture , its empty and cold, and the two men are wearing BLUE POLYESTER. How I knew this I don't know, its just a detail that reminds me of what a nightmare is;
I say " How does what feel?"
The interviewer says, "How does it feel to be so close to a murderer....!!>?"
I can feel the anticipation in his question, and I turn to look and sitting next to me is this very strange man, and he is smiling with a sheepish grin...
run run run run away,,,,!! this music actually came on while I was writing this!
I say," That means that someone was murdered, and that must mean that YOU."...and I looked at the man next to me and he just nods his head grinning.
I am now-terrified in this dream, horrified to think that I am actually sitting next to someone who murderers people....than I wake up with a shake and a start. I pop up out of bed and its early, but not too early; my spouse would get up at 5 am for work. This morning he would also wake up from a bad dream:
He explains that he was afraid too, and very weirded out by his dream. He claims that two aliens would come to our door, and that they would not let him go, that they had this power to look in his brain and scare him stiff, without ever touching him. He said it felt so real, he was pale and shaking, I believed him, mainly because he never remembered his dreams, and for him to be afraid it must have been pretty bad.
We took this as a sign, we needed to get up and I was determined to get out of the house. So while it was still dark, we gathered up the two little kids, and he dropped me off at my Father's house on the way to work. I was so early, and me strangely without a key, I crept into the back yard, and knocked on my Fathers window. Waking him up with a scare as well.
I felt so bad, tap tap tap tap, on his window, let us in. He said you scared me!!" I told him why I was there and the dreams, he agreed that it was an odd night. We enjoyed or days off and that time was easy and fun with the little ones. Time travels differently when you watch over youthful people, we made sure that they were active and watched very little tv.
That day went by without my remembering the dream too much, its just not uncommon for me to have weird dreams so we did n't think much of it, until we drove home.
And as we passed our street, , we noticed that the house across the street was tapped off, with yellow caution tape, and there were police cars and fire engines; the police had to let us in by, as it was a crime scene, we said , "We live here." We got out of the car, went into the house, and yes, just like a movie, I heard the thunder, CRASH!! BOOM, and it started to rain ....hard. We sat there in the house, and in shock we looked out our front window of this perfect view of what must have been something very tragic. It is always good to listen to your instincts, we applauded our judgement and I was actually not curious to know what happened,. I thought I knew. In a few minutes, there would be a knock at the door, two police men looking like serious and stereotypical, blue suited men with plastic bags on their hats. We open the door, and say,
"hello"
they say, " Were you home today?"
We say, " Honestly no"
and they stare at us, and then say okay, we shut the door. That was it...
The police walk off to knock on the many doors that they need to, and eventually that works for them.
They knock on a door of a man on parole who lives in a place just across the street, who when he opens his door, has the weapon in his hand, and it was quoted in the newspaper as saying,
" yea, I shot her, and her sister , I wanted to park and she wouldn't let me..."
He was a parolee who was loony tunes, and he shot this little old lady and her sister who was just visiting her for the one day, over her driveway...he wanted to park in HER driveway, and she refused to let him, He SHOT HER FOR THAT. My driveway wasn't even 50 feet away. he shot her point blank in the face, in the light of day...We lived so close to a murderer, and I cant help but think it could have been us that day. The dream that taunted me, would not sit well in the pit of my stomach, why would I dream that the night before? and the words still haunt me when I hear them, " how does it feel...".
The worst part was, I had never met that little old lady, but I had wanted to. I looked at her picture perfect house as we walked past it, each day, and we often fawned over the perfect garden and the huge hollyhocks that swayed in the breeze. I used to want to live there, and I coveted that house, I admit it. It was my view from my front window, quiet and sweet, but never a woman did I see. I would never meet her, and I had wanted to so badly. No longer would that be the case, and it wasn't much longer before we ran from the abusive neighbors above us, that stole from us and even cut our power to try to ...who knows.
When we spoke with the Land Lord, we said why didn't you warn us? He was apologetic , gave us back two months rent, and said," You were my only hope. They were section 8 and I could not evict them, I counted on your nice family to help me, I knew eventually you would call the police and that you would help me get them out." I was appalled and furious! This Rich man, used us, a poor little family to do his dirty work.
Sometimes you have to be the one person fighting for your rights, and against all odds you find a way, and the creative magic begins. First rule of life, always believe in yourself. You are your own best friend.
Take Care
see tomorrow for Ill never be 'Versace', more scary stories...
