I have decided to publish all my stories, first the list, and then details about them. All of them-- even one's that are very-mysterious, or faith based, and even the scary ones. Yes even the shocking true stories, I usually cant talk about, so, I have to write them.
I haven't been able to write, it's been a very difficult time for me. I have been overwhelmed with emotions and have hid behind my curtain of shame. I cant say that I have been wizarding a false image of my life, because that is impossible for me, but I can keep myself busy. My curtain consists of, a house, and a yard, three kids, and a panda book, five cats, and a vault of mysterious stories that I cant tell anyone about, for fear of looking like a heretical lunatic. For an encore, I live in a Marriage that is rocky at best, with more hours apart logged in than together.
Lately, it has become impossible to use my magic cloak to hide my woes, I feel that all of my secrets have come out into the light, for everyone to see. Everyone that matters can see it, and its like, one of those nightmares, where you have no clothes on I wish I would wake up from it. I am blogging about it, mainly because I have mother brain, I worry deeply about those I love, and need to find ways to cope with being a caretaker, to be a better caretaker to myself. If I am to really survive this new transition, it is going to take a great leap of faith, and the excess mental baggage of years and years of tears, needs to be washed from my face, and as the J.M Barrie said, " I need clean fresh thoughts, for the morning" Clean out my brain.
I cant wait for my time with :
Sandra Chadwick Mussey, May 14 & 15
Developing Intuition Classes
For success, healing and creativity
Today I write with her in mind, and I will attempt to convey a sample of what she means to me during these years I have known her. To somehow show my gratefulness to her undamped spirit that has stayed connected to me psychically and through phone calls and mail. Mostly through womens intuition.
I met Sandra when I worked in Mill Valley, as the manager and paste up artist at Sprinter Printing. I was the go to girl, Creative professional design, for all types of business, and even for the Bay Area Music Awards, (I can show you an Award I worked on !) I was happily working in a place that cant be described in mere words, magical moments! It was the age of paper ship crystals, no one could afford a personal computer and phones were not even on the horizon yet. We sat the under the muse of Mt. Tam, while the solar planets aligned, literally! Few people worried about much more than the heat of the day. Books were still gems of hidden knowledge revered by scholars, and mined out in book stores by those seeking the wealth of those privileged enough to write and get published in that rich universe of paper and ink.
Read, work and drive up to Mt. Tam, and marveling at the view and seeing the planets align, would only sharpen my faith in something larger than me, in control. New Age was born and a new genre of publishing, it was the way of truthful -positive thinking, and it would open my heart forever to learn to listen to the inner voice, and the inner guides. The new age concept wasn't really palatable until I spent a day with Sandra. I had designed her letterhead and cards while at Sprinter; she loved them so much, so offered a free healing session in return. With honest trepidation I went, but with love in my heart, and an awesome reference from Helen, another power female, I was not going to let this opportunity go, plus I had questions!
Sandra lives in a home tucked far, far away in the densely wooded mountains of FairFax California, it has surely has dancing magical fairies and once a night, Bambi comes to feed at her back door. What? okay, thats far fetched, and really this place- needs no dressing up. Nature does all the work, I am only making light of what I believe seriously changed me, somehow. If I possessed the ability to see and have dreams like I did after I met her, I still d0 not remember them; because it would be days later, I would begin a series of Clairvoyant and prophetic dreams, from and about people and places that I would have to wait to find out all the meanings, until they came to ...the news. Dreams, like never ever before. More remarkable encounter with amazing people, that if I played my cards right, would walk along a path of enlightenment with me. I seemed to be able to tune into the frequency of my life with lucid dreams and well ~Love.
I had just met Steve ,people always want to know, how you met your spouse. Sandra did too, it was one of my questions, and remains -- Who was the man who told me?
Here is the story. I had lived in three places, my life, Livermore, Berkeley and Marin county. I had seen my fair share of beautiful, rich, famous, men, but no one really wanted me. I had a bunch of weird scary dates with older men, that had money and fame and power. I was unable to feel comfortable with any of them, no matter how hard I tried. Look, I said, hes rich, come on Liz...I could not be fake. Or worse, I heard once, "your just a pretty face" not a person?
What is wrong with me? I always felt attractive, and I thought I knew what love should be. But somehow I always attracted the wrong guy...looking for answers...
I read two books: How to be Married in a year, and Is IT LOVE or IS IT Addiction?.
I healed my inner child, learned I make myself happy, and I made a list of the perfect guy. Well, the perfect guy, for a girl that lives in Marin, and has lived barely 21 years. It was a little like the movie Mary Poppins, I made this list and tore it up. And never thought it would happen, I mean, how in world, will I ever met an Australian in Marin, that was on my list like oh sure, that will never happen. I didn't know the power of suggestion, or the power of Prayer, I only hope that it wasn't a wish granted from something that resembles the movie bedazzled,( as time has shown, now it's hardly been a dream come true.) During the week of my Grandmothers Birthday, Oct 10,1987 I would have three new male people come into my life and change it forever. ( yes holy Donny Darko Batman)
I was a cocktail waitress in a Hotel that had famous guests, like Journey, Rob Lowe, and the late great Paul Newman, while attending art school at college of Marin, I also held down two other restaurant jobs, and a Oracle Mailing list. I actually didn't work one night a week, because, I tried to defy my body and just not sleep one night a week to make more money! I all came crashing down , when I hit the tile at work - I slipped -on spilled ice...I fell, hit my head, went to Kaiser and ended up with whiplash. I would feel lucky to be alive, and I had this new respect for pain. That night I would meet THE MARK ALLEN founder and owner of New World publishing. He was this amazing publisher of people like Shatki Gawain, and he even is credited at publishing Depak Chopra's first book. It was an uncanny feeling, of good luck... but at this time he was most famous for his connection to Shirley McClain and the Lazarus books, and having an affair on his wife.
These Lazurus books trained you to meditate, and explained the miracle of the risen Christ. I knew little about this person who claimed to channel, but I believed in the supernatural and the history of Lazarus is rather miraculous to hear, even if I didn't know exactly why. The successful company that Mark's books kept were the elite artists in Marin, the new age shakers and movers no less than the Fog City mavericks, making me the UFO with eyes like saucers, wanting & wishing to be apart of something of this caliber.
A Foolish heart asks for more than it can handle, I would be way over my head, when the day after Mark's visit, I would get my visit from another stranger. A man dressed in fatigues, smaller than me, would walk right up to me at work and say," I know you, You just want to be loved."
Strangers have said worse things to me, and I was not afraid, but the boss I worked for, and four of my associates stopped and stared when he said it right in front of them. Stunned, one of them said, who do you think you are? I am not sure, what he said, but it certainly upset her and she left...
It was then he looked right at me, and said, You are going to meet the man you are going to marry very soon, then he shook his head, looked up, spoke to someone, and said, YOUR GOING TO MEET THEM MAN YOUR GOING TO MARY TONIGHT! yes he said it to me!! Imagine it!
Well, - my laughing associates, left me to my strange friend, as they usually did, on a night with nothing better to do. I looked at him, and just smiled , and said, well all right.
Thinking only about the one's that got away, I fished back into my mind, wondering who it was...
Little did I know, that a young, wife beater wearing, Aussie would flash his green card at me, and I would not see my heart again for the next 20 something years. It was instant! I was sure it was him. I thought I could handle it, I was sure I was liberated enough to stay true to myself...I thought we could just live and learn...together.
But then the dreams started, over and over painful dreams of being hurt by him. I would soon search for solid ground, only to find that my body would like to fly like a magic carpet every time I would close my eyes at night. Something I had been dealing with, and learned to control, through lucid dreaming. I was used to the flying out the window dreams, only this time, it wasn't just an innocent flight through dream land, it was a real place, and real events happened as I watched. At first it was like something was stealing me. I didn't get it at all. I had to ask him, do you believe? He would just shrug it off, it was as if, he couldn't talk about it, it was too painful. What was this feigned silence? I was able to get out of him, the burning bush, from a question now that works ever so justly, What would it take for you to believe?
That night, out of nowhere, a storm hit our town. Crazy lightning and tornado speed winds, would damage trees and strike homes. One giant bolt of lightning, struck outside our window, ten feet from us, the tree would catch fire, and as we watched, it burned like a haunted moment, before the rain washed away the fear. Leaving us with, a stump of proof we could not deny in the morning. I am sure this did not phase him. I said dont wish for that again!
As I would struggle to understand Steve, his vanity would often unhinge me, as he could hardly stop the swivel of his head, and started many arguments with his stubborn selfish attitude. The daily drama and mystery of my young and restless life revolved around new extended family with poor manners and a devoted mother(inlaw) that was icy at best. Two years, had passed now, and the signs of break up were there, I did not see them. Break up, and make up, is all we do...I thought it was normal...and maybe it was meant to be. I would dream about an Earth Quake, and as I have written it on my other Blog I wont write it again, but did you know, I would also give birth to a child exactly nine months later...but what about the song, and the suggestion...
the day before the big earthquake dream, the song I still hear today, that haunts me
mother and child reunion...by Simon and Garfunkle. I was the top salesperson now at an Art Gallery in Marin, I took my store to the #1 in sales, and it was enough to make the men jealous! they hated that I could not only sell, sell big, but clean and be a young woman. My fellow staff went out for a $5000.00 dinner, anywhere I wanted! Of course we ate at Steve's restaurant..we made the tip on it too, my boss seemed super--jealous. The Vice President, came to meet me, and that same day, I would become overwhelmed with a feeling I could not explain, but it said, walk away.
After much debate, I did. In the car on the way home, I heard the song, ...Mother and Child reunion...it was like I was electrocuted, it just amplified in my heart. I know it felt very powerful, because- earlier that day- I had also lied to someone, about being pregnant, and I never lied. I had this one client that bought from me, and he wanted more than just my professional opinion he was clearly in love with me. I thought I dodged a bullet the day, he asked me, if I was serious in my relationship, and I quickly said, yes, of course. I am pregnant and getting married, ...what man would argue this saintly discord... and it was like instantly I was sick.. just as I said it, and I made myself sick that I would turn to such a bizarre excuse. That was the last time I was Liz the art sales lady, and the next thing I was Liz pregnant lady.
Do you think that this is easy to believe? what if I told you, that I would also hear a story from a co-worker about her pregnancy, and how her unborn son came to her and her husband as a ghost in the hospital, and he told her that he was going to be, disabled and sickly. I met this child, he was clearly disabled and had one arm. When I asked her gently about her son, she simply said, hes my Buddha, and was content to tell me the entire remarkable story of her sons plea for a family that loved him and warnings of his ill health.
Martin Lawrence Limited Editions, was a dream to work at. I was surrounded by Modern art, and sold some of the best. Andy Warhol's, Erte, Max, Yamagata, Harring, and more...but it wasn't meant to be.
There would be an earthquake, and a war, and ...more haunting dreams.
I will need to make a list, now, then I will follow up on these events as I can try to relate to the best of my ability.
- 89'Earthquake-My Brother as my guide- see the link included.
- 89 Iraq War and Flaming Oil Wells
- Chris saves us from a --Fire at our house
- Freddie- haunts our TV?
- My best friend returns to tell me, he's Dead?
- Move to his Mothers house...live in the cellar?
- Aliens watching us?
- A new job, and the song again...
- Dreams of a house, turns out we just move into...more nightmares...in Novato
- Ashley baby 2, and the dream of Nolan..baby 3 day after Ashley is born?
- Dreams of Aliens for Steve, dreams of a murder for me.
- Death dreams haunt me and Irene...
- Move again, live with my Dad, disaster...
- Move again live in Santa Rosa...
- more dreams, the Atlanta Bombing...
- the first signs of gambling and excessive alcohol,
- dream job! Sonoma Mission Inn & Spa...More dreams
- Polly Klaus, goes missing, and shes where?
- Ford Corporation gets us a van
- Kobe & earthquake headaches
- Atlanta Bombings
- Catholic Priests Molesting Children, really?
- the Angel shows the way-to move again- Bad real estate deals, and dealers...
- Nolan the psychic baby?
- Rohnert Park Miracles...
- Saints and their generous powers
- Dreams of Ruth Harkness, the panda book...
- Baptism brings dreams, to Nolan..his Jesus dreams-
- A real Church, and a connection to God Finally ...
- 9-9-99 learning to pretend
- real fears of future 9th days...warnings..ignored
- Moved again, this time to a house all our own in Redding...
- dreams of buildings, and more warnings.
- Aliens again?
- Intuition or Psychic dreams of my Brother in Thailand?
- My grandmothers warnings, and the stars that fell from the sky.
- the four horses, the date of the Iraq war
- and the gun song...from the children
- the signs of separation
- the end
Why do this? not for exposure. For closure.
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