Perched on this Starbucks bench finally connected to the internet, I wonder what to say....  I hear that great song...this is a cold and broken hallelujah.

I've been meaning to jot down these random thoughts rambling around my head for many days and even weeks, alas they are so random they don't seem to find the importance to make it here...I've been rattling around the old house, coming up with subjects like, ~ Is this where we are at? thoughts on why we need another outlet mall in Livermore, complete with images from the new Grinch of giant crowds of crazy shoppers and carrying their loads of packages. Has Christmas changed or just me?  But that makes me think, and then I start to have mixed feelings and the only image I can conjure up is that of-  the Grinch yelling to his faithful dog  "Max get my sedative" and he hits himself with a hammer and falls off into forced sleep.  Funny stuff and hauntingly real images about this season that I still struggle with. I will resolve that I must be some kind of Grinch to not have good cheer to over decorate along with superfluous gift giving talents.
I sit back and relax for a bit with my coffee in my own cup, and my trusty laptop, I face outward to see the people that are passing by.  Young children are snuggling up to their parents laps, just peeking out of their delightfully sheltered world with the glare of protection that makes you feel like an outsider. Couples hold their conversations close and look sideways at the girl alone on the bench cafe? Do I have something on my chin?

What is the fascination for new things? Is this where we are at? My Grandfather would say, "Don't buy anything new.."  A thought that I was sure was only applicable to those that did not need to keep track of fashion or didn't have any money. In fact he meant to say that with clothes its usually not new anyway, and its never new for long, "..wear it once and its used!"  A fact that cannot be denied.
I don't want to buy anything clothes here, though.  I 've walked through all of these stores and looked at the things, nothing begs for my attention. I have looked at the things and there just isn't anything I need here.  I dont need a purse from Coach that costs more money than the food bill my 17 year old can eat, nor do I desire to tote around a giant bag that looks like it might be fit for Mary Poppins and her coat rack.  Purses, shoes, coats, hats and all those things are fine and beautiful, but nothing can warm the soul when it feels left out in the cold. Nothing.